Money In The Bank (2015)
Money In The Bank 2015 This is what happens when you lose a bet, I apologise for anyone who has to read this, as I am now forced to review this show. Held in Colombus, Ohio, in front of... Some people, it's Money In The Bank 2015. Opening the night was a nice tribute to Dusty, where they rung the bell 10 times. Summer Rae looked like she didn't give a fuck, Paige gave emotions. And then they played Dusty's theme and people clapped, the WWE Superstars are 4 year olds when a school jingle comes on. Money In The Bank Ladder Match Odd that this opened the card, I don't get why the PPV named after the match would open the show. But eh, when does WWE have pacing and know how to pan something out? Anyway, in this match are: Randy Orton, Kofi Kingston, Neville, Sheamus, Kane (for no reason), Dolph Ziggler & Roman "Smarks Favorite" Reigns. So despite this being a 7 man match, it's mostly just one on one's, why? I dunno, it didn't make much sense and it felt more like a lumberjack Money In The Bank match than 7 men going for it. Of course, there are some cool spots, Reigns powerbombing both Kofi & Neville. (Smarks complained about him looking strong.) Reigns flying to the outside (Smarks probably believe he has something to help him do that.) Kind of surprising how they didn't let Neville do much highflying stuff, would've expected something off a ladder. Anyway, it's mostly Reigns, Orton & Sheamus (Yeah, fucking Sheamus) who control the match. Orton & Reigns have a great back and forth part with their signature moves, before Reigns Spears Orton to look extra strong. At many Smarks annoyance, they see Roman Reigns begin to climb the ladder, as they prepare to write on their Reddit pages, Twitter's and Kik groups about how sick they are of seing Reigns being pushed so fast (Despite Kevin Owens, who they love taking on Cena within 6 months of being here.) The lights go out, Bray Wyatt emerges and screws Reigns out of the match, leaving Sheamus to win the Money In The Bank, after, get this, Pulling Neville's hair. WHAT A FINISH! While I have no problem with Sheamus winning, it was a bit, anti climatic that it was Sheamus. Total Biscuit put it best "Sheamus? Fucking Sheamus?" That being said, Sheamus as World Champ should be great, he always does a good job. Overall, the match was entertaining enough, not near enough to be considered one of the best, but a good one. Divas Match Next up was Paige and Nikki Bella for the Divas title, honestly, main roster Divas bore the shit out of me, I paid little attention to the match, and I can't be bothered to sit through it again, stuff happens, finish is Twin Magic, Brie throws paper in her boobs at Paige once she's pinned and flashes are tramp stamp vagina tatoo (getting a bit TV-14) and then Nikki hits Paige with her "Not Loaded, Loaded Forearm." Nikki keeps the title, who gives a fuck? Intercontinental Championship Big Show took on Ryback for the Intercontinental Championship, just got to say, great to see Ryback with a title, been so long. Big Show is involved in this because he got bored and punched The Miz. Yay (!) Miz sits in his slutty Nun outfit, looking like Perry The Platypus got mingly with Esteban from the Suite Life of Zack & Cody. Ew. This match is a nothing match, Big Show trips on the ramp, and that was the best moment, Miz comes in, gets another DQ end. (Srsly? 2 in a row, dammit D-Lo.) And leaves, Ryback retains, Big Show looked he was about to collapse, and the match was 5 minutes of meh. Cena vs Owens II Do I even need to talk about this match? I'd rather not, because this review would be over faster, but I have to (fuk u Ambrose) this match was amazing, pure and utter amazing. Owens and Cena get the best out of each other, Cena puts in a great deal, showed off that he's not just 5 moves (have that Smarks) took Owens to the limit and they knocked the shit out of each other for almost 20 minutes, out of all the matches, this one felt like it belonged on a PPV. It had the hype, the crowd were into it, both men were over in their own ways. The match, while somewhat similar to their Elimination Chamber match, with the same ish moves and storyline, took it up a notch, it felt more real, and that's exactly what made it better than their last match, this match seemed real. Shocking how in 2015 matches can still come across as an actual wrestling match. Owens showed he's a great monster heel, Cena showed why he's the top dog of WWE (despite being a midcarder) and gave the match of the night. Cena winning was fine, as Owens won back at EC, hopefully they save the last match until Summerslam. When Cena gives respect, Owens strikes back and hits his powerbomb onto the apron, amazing. Cena sold it perfectly, made it look like it legitimately hurt him, and sets up another match. Spectacular, one of the best matches of the year, can't wait for their next one. Tag Team Titles Being the cool down match from Cena & Owens, the New Day & Prime Time Players were relatively safe about their match, nothing special within the match, one of the few noteworthy points being how over Titus is, not Darren. New Day work over Darren till he makes the tag to Titus, who runs wild, has a very nice backbreaker, hits the Clash of The Titus on Woods, and holy shit, there's new Tag Team Champions, kind of odd that it just, happened like that. There was a huge pop, I'd say that's more because the crowd were happy New Day lost, as opposed to PTP winning. However, it shows how over New Day are, and creative should make sure they get the titles back while Kidd is still injured. WWE World Heavyweight Championship Seriously, Fuck Ambrose, he's the reason I'm doing this, anyway, Ambrose stole Rollins title, because he can't win one, this feud is still going on, I failed to give a fuck, boring as anything. To be fair, those last two sentences perfectly summed up the match, I couldn't care about this feud, or the match, and they're both extremely boring. Ambrose comes out, unfortunately, hoped Dusty would take him to the grave. Before all this, Triple H gives Rollins a motivational speech, best part of the match. Overall, it was a slow, slow, SLOW match. 35 minutes of pure boredom, not once in the match was I entertained, it took an ice age, the crowd stopped caring about 10 minutes, I stopped caring when Ambrose came out, stupid as fuck finish. Rollins retains, good, Triple H comes out and Rollins shits himself when he grabs his shoulder, awful match. Overall This show was better than last years, easily, in fact it was a relatively good show, I enjoyed most of it, except anything involving Ambrose. Best match was easily Cena vs Owens, while the main event took worst match, purely because it was so boringly long and didn't need the time. MITB gets a 7/10. Ambrose gets a CUNT rating, DMR, fuck you. Review over.